Best careers on the planet.

Ok so...I have been thinking a lot of what I want to be when I grow up and I just can't decide. When I was little I wanted to be the craziest shit and now that I think about it, those would have been the best careers ever. So here is the list that I have come up with. If you are lucky enough to have one of these jobs...I think you are full of shit.



1. Paleontologist-

When I was 5 years old and I was in Kindergarten, my teacher asked all of the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up. I remember some little shit saying "astronaut" and another little shit saying "magician". Really......you want to be a magician? You want to make a rodent come out of your hat and saw ladies in half? Go to therapy.
And don't get me started on the astronaut. The average time it takes for someone who already has the criteria for space travel is 21 years (look it up). And that is AFTER you get a bachelor's degree in Math, Biology, and Engineering. You might as well waste your life being a person in the Space Camp commercials since that is how close you will ever get to being in Outer Space.
Anyway....when my teacher finally got to me I would answer, "Paleontologist, because I like dinosaurs and I want to dig up their bones." She would give me the weirdest look because I didn't say "The President" or something ridiculous like that. Seriously...that's what I wanted to be. I loved everything about dinos (I still do) and I knew pretty much everything about them. And no, I didn't learn it all from watching Jurassic Park, which is still a cool movie, but VERY unrealistic.



2. Vampire Hunter-
For those of you who laughed while reading that, go fuck yourself. How COOL would it be to hunt the living dead for a job?
"Hi, my name is Amanda. I like dancing and I also put stakes in the heart of blood suckers." COME ON!
Not only were some of the coolest people in history vampire hunters (Abraham Lincoln, Van Helsing, Buffy, The other Van Helsing, Blade), but also you would save mankind from the most horrible creature to ever walk the face of the Earth (besides Lord Voldemort).




3. Robert Norman Ross-
I know this isn't a job, it's a person. But, I know you all know who this guy is. He created the "Happy Trees" and was the guy we all watched on channel 10 after Sesame Street on the show "The Joy of Painting". You KNOW he was on drugs but he created the most BEAUTIFUL works of art in literally minutes and explained in the simplest of ways how to do so.

This guy.
He would make me so happy (and at the age of 10 only the ice cream man and the Scholastic Book Fair made me happy).



4. Batman-
Ok...those of you who know me, I'm sure you knew this one was coming. Batman (in my opinion) is one of the greatest people of all time. If ANYONE had a billion dollars, what would you do with it? Donate it? Build a school? Give it to loved ones? HELL NO! Become a masked vigilante and fight crime on the streets of your hometown, DUH!

I could argue all damn day about why Batman is the greatest superhero of all time, but that will come in a different post. Not only does he have unlimited hand-to-hand combat knowledge, the proper funds, and an unbiased butler, but he has morals. That's right, Batman has never KILLED anyone. He believes in justice, so he brings his villains to jail or an asylum. (And don't come to me with the "He killed Robin" bullshit. NO. If you know Batman, then you know how many Robins there really were. The Joker killed the second Robin. End of story.).
I would give anything to be Batman (and not the Carrie Kelley version, my own version. Oh, and not Batgirl either, she was a lesbian.).



5. Famous person-
Look at the cover of magazines and you will see someone who has probably done almost nothing to become famous (Heidi Montag, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie, Matthew McConaughey). If you could be one of those people, wouldn't you?!
If I could be on a reality TV show, or have a sex tape, or just be gorgeous and be horrible at acting and be one of the most famous people in the world, you bet I would be (and if you wouldn't, you are just dumb). Seriously, some people that are famous today have literally done NOTHING!! Look at Justin Bieber, he put up some videos of himself singing on YouTube and he became an overnight celebrity. What about Paris Hilton? Don't get me wrong, I love that bitch, but what is she famous for? Besides being the heiress to a chain of hotels, and eating a hamburger? A sex tape...a video of her in the dark doing the nasty with some dude. If that's all it took to make millions, everyone and their brother would be doing it. Don't even lie, you would too.




There it is. Some of the best careers in the world. You know at some point in your life you wanted to be one of these.